I’ve often been told that everyone gets good and bad, happiness and sadness in equal measure over their life time. However my observation is that the sadness and the bad times impact us so much more and for so much longer.
I, sometimes, want to run away from the life I have at home, and for a while, I did. For a month, I went away to college in a different city, where I knew no one and no one knew me. I lived on my own, in a paying guest accommodation. I did my own laundry and made my bed. I woke every morning and walked to college where I had managed to make friends in the short while that I was there. The weather was beautiful and the people were kind. I lead a simple life and I was happy.
But I got into a better college in my home town and was faced with a rather tough choice. I had to choose between what was good for me now and what would be good for my future. Whats the better choice? your present or your future? How do you make that choice?
Eventually I chose to come back home. I chose my future. I chose to come back to that life that I had so often wanted to run away from.
I had a month of bliss in the middle of the chaos that is my life, but now when I look back, even though it was my own choice to walk away from it, all I feel is bitterness. I forget why I chose to walk away from that, why I chose to force myself to leave my bed every morning for three more years rather than taking a route that I found so much easier to tread.
It was my choice, but I wish I never made it. I was happy for a while, but that gives me no solace.
You told me life was hard; you never warned me it was war…